it's way past 9 pm, and i just got home from school. i spent most of the day waiting for photocopies of our readings and just bonding with my new blockmates. all i want to do right now is sleep, but i can't, because i have a load of readings/cases to study for tomorrow. why am i taking up law anyway and go through all this torture? my blockmates have also been asking themselves the same question for the past weekend. i really don't know either.

on a lighter note, i guess the day turned out ok. we had constitutional law in the morning, and we had a recitation of course. we already had a homework in that subject the week before. as expected, i slept through the hand-outs again. i'm still used to my old study habits [ if you could even call them study habits ] of studying hand-outs just before i go to sleep and actually fall asleep in the process. sometimes i trick myself into thinking that i won't fall asleep, but of course i always did. anyway, i was panicking the whole time already because i wasn't able to study the hand-outs well and all my classmates were giving really good answers and knew what they were talking about, so you could just imagine how worried and shocked i was when i was called in class. i was even reluctant to stand up but i knew i had to, so i did. and he asked me a question i really couldn't answer. i attempted to find the answers in the hand-out but for fear that i might look more like an idiot trying to look for something i don't know, i just blurted out the first thing that came to mind and acted like i knew what i was talking about even though i didn't. he asked me to repeat what i said so i did, feeling more nervous but not showing it, and i was surprised when he affirmed my answer with the words, 'very good'. i wanted to sit down already that time because i knew that my luck couldn't last beyond that.

neil visited me in school, by the way. i was surprised to see him when i went out of the classroom after my last class. i wasn't exactly thrilled to see him there. i know his intentions are good, and i have nothing against him, it just seemed so awkward having him there or any of my college friends for that matter. it's hard enough that i'm still adjusting with new people, it's even worse that i have to drag another person who belongs to an entirely different context into the picture. and i just don't want people to see us together and maybe talk about us or something. i know, i'm too paranoid. i just want to live a quiet life. that's all.

we went to the id registrar with almost the whole block. we're a pretty diverse bunch of people but we're ok nonetheless. in a way i felt like i just transferred to another block because a lot of my classmates are also ateneans.

on our way out of the registrar parking lot, my car was hit by some guy. it didn't cause any serious damage, so i let it pass.

we ate at mang jimmy's [ finally. i always hear about it from people around me but i never got to eat there ] then photocopied for the hand-outs at the lib and bought books. we went to starbucks with some classmates and read the hand-outs until dinner time. i actually had no money left so we just settled for the cheapest kind of food we could find in starbucks. i spent all my money on the books and photocopies. argh. 'saw naz at starbucks, and he was congratulating me for getting into UP. i don't even know if i deserve that kind of recognition. for one, i don't know why i even passed. i think they made a mistake in accepting me. second, i don't know if i can survive. sometimes i feel so stupid while reading the hand-outs and i always feel that my classmates are always doing better than i am. i just hope i'll survive. somehow.

now i have to discon. because i have loads of readings to finish and i'm starting to get sleepy. when i finally realize why i'm going through this everyday hell, i'll let you know.

i think i need a social life now more than ever. i don't want to be confined with anything school-related.

Labels: law school, UP