'reminds me of the time i had dengue back in second year college. except that i had dextrose back then and i got really bad rashes a few days later.
i probably won't go to school tomorrow yet. i don't think i'm ready to carry a large bag with me through two flights of stairs and be stuck in an abnormally cold classroom, while literally developing a stomachache for fear of getting called for recit.
by the way, tomorrow's the last day of encomium/baci, the cafe/resto in katipunan. they're closing the place down again [the first time was last year, i think] too bad i won't be able to eat there anymore, since i can't go there tomorrow anyway. :( i'm going to miss all their dishes, especially their desserts. well, all good things come to an end.
Labels: law school
tito fred, papa, mama and tita amy
bombee, patti, manang lani and bianca
me and neil at starbucks, before lunch
Labels: family
another kamalasan story brought to you by the harkadah
it was our first time to watch fete de la musique [fyi, it's an annual music event where artists from almost every music genre converge and well, play music]. last year, it was held at el pueblo. this year, it was at eastwood. most of us went there for the rock bands, which were playing at the parking lot. there were a LOT of people, some of which i recognize from college/law school. everything was going smoothly, until we arrived. i arrived at around 10 pm, and we were still fortunate enough to hear twisted halo and cambio play. i met up with di and weki, who got there earlier. we decided to wait for the others first. after we met up with jonel, that was when the rain poured. we were stranded in front of chicago grill, where we spent most of our time. we decided to go upstairs at chicago and we just ordered some drinks. later on, we found out that all the outdoor concerts were cancelled. AGH. there were still some bands playing in indoor establishments [reggae, jazz, etc] but there were just too much people that they couldn't accommodate us anymore. and so, we just left at around 12 am. kainis. it was my first time to go out with the harkadah and the damn rain ruined everything. as if that wasn't expected yet. hehe. 'still had fun with them, nonetheless.
hehehe.
1st attempt: that was my old hair
2nd attempt: looks closer to my new hairstyle
3rd attempt: maybe that's how i'll look like if i immerse myself in bleach. hehe
mukha akong ewan. mwehe.
si neil naman. hehe.
.
had a new haircut..
and i don't know how i should feel about it. i wanted a different style other than my long straight hair that doesn't have any character at all, so i had it layered, with bangs up front. i actually asked our hairstylist at salon de manila for suggestions, and she brought that up, and said that "it's what everyone wants". and so i had it done. right now, everywhere i go, i see my hairstyle on everyone, from tv personalities to law school people. so much for character and uniqueness. nevertheless, i like it better since it doesn't make my face look so round.
school..
'got called for recit in class, by the way, for the first time this sem. and it happened to be the subject my dad's brod is teaching. anyway, i didn't screw up, i answered all the questions [it was a short comparably short recit, he only asked 1 case], and he turned out to be nice after all, unlike the other teachers who would hurl chairs and other inanimate objects at their students. well, for me not screwing up, stuttering and mumbling and getting mental blocks during a recit is quite an achievement. well, glad that's over.
it's the dogs' version of friendster. hehe. because i'm procrastinating, i signed up for bubbles. view it here.
new favorite song
this is my current life anthem [aside from "clocks" by coldplay, which i haven't deciphered yet] - sarah mclachlan's "fallen". this is for every stupid move, every neurotic attack, every burst of insanity, every wrong decision, every humiliating moment and every bad memory in my life. i just love sarah mclachlan's song and how much she accurately depicts life's candid moments through her songs.
Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
THh past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.
I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
another one from quizilla
Nihilist Bear
Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
hehe. i should be studying now.
Labels: law school, lyrics, quiz, random
there were lots of freshmen everywhere, as expected - there are 200+ of them. they added one section to the batch. they became more lenient with the l.a.e., remember. they even eliminated the traditional interview, indirectly due to what happened to ar santiago. i heard they're going to be more strict about the grading system, and that the school will kick out more people, beginning with the batch that followed ours. given that, maswerte pa pala ako. hehe. hmm.. let me rethink that idea.. 'saw cesar, who i signed up as my buddy, and some other people i haven't seen in a long time... some undesirable. hehe. 'nuff said.
seriously, i want to change my last name to something more common.
just when i thought my days of confronting my dad's frat brods in school were over [since one of my dad's brod, who was our oblicon teacher last sem, isn't my teacher this sem anymore. i gave him a hard time during the orals. hehe], i encountered another one yesterday - our teacher this sem for criminal procedure. i didn't even know he was an apb member until i learned it last night from my mother. i didn't actually expect he would know who my father is, or who this other relative is [a distant relative who is also a graduate of UP law who, apparently, excelled in the college as much as my dad did]. but i was greatly mistaken. so, it was my turn to introduce myself in crim pro class and explain why i am in law school. i actually wanted to express how i don't really know why i'm there and that i would gladly take up any graphic design course any minute. but i didn't want our teacher to have a negative impression of me, so i just said my parents wanted me to take up law and i made up a blatant lie that "the law is a powerful tool and i can use it to make a difference in society". blah. and just when i thought i was safe, he suddenly asks how i was related to "benjamin b.", and for a split second i thought of denying i had any relations with him but i told the truth afterwards anyway. and he goes, "then the pressure must be great on you. you should really study in my class because i'm going to call you often". [oh did you say benjamin? i have no idea who he is.] AGH!!! thanks for putting added pressure to my already pressured life. and all i could do was give a sheepish smile and said "ok" quietly as i took my seat, which was really stupid. what was i to do anyway?? ARGGHHHH!! i just hate it when people expect me to be great and excel in my studies just because my father [or our other distant relative] is all that in the law profession. i am NOT my father. how can i stress that hard enough?? i'm more right-brained than he is, more carefree than he is, and i don't even like law. i clearly didn't inherit his genes since i don't do well in school, my grades suck, my attention span is short and my memory isn't sharp. AGH. ako pa talaga of all people. me - who doesn't even want to be in law school, who just wants to pass and get this all done and over with, who's not excelling academically when i was in my undergrad/even in high school, who doesn't care about politics or the law or the world for that matter. what did i do to deserve this?? and why does our last name have to be unique? why, God, why?? [emo mode. hehe]
later on, our prof went on saying how disappointed he was with his son, who's currently a student of ateneo law, since he didn't get to pass the UPlae. agh. our prof and my dad even think alike. didn't he even think that his son might not even like what he's doing [and might even want to take up graphic design? hehe]? i bet if i didn't pass the lae also and i end up in ateneo, my dad would feel the same way about me. our prof seems to be a great teacher though despite his twisted thought that his son should be in UP law just because he graduated in UP law and that they are a family of jurists who should all graduate from UP. he became an instant favorite of the class, especially among the female population and replaced sir te as the class heartthrob [eh??] since, according to them, he looks like a shorter al pacino. ugh, he's almost as old as my dad. how could anyone even think of having a crush on him??? he's also one of the few male teachers who care enough about the time and really makes an effort to come to class precisely on time. i'm actually looking forward to our class sessions. except that he might call me first on tuesday morning. and i just hope the "benjamin b." stigma isn't attached to me so i wouldn't be pressured much to excel. i can't work well under pressure. not to mention i really hate pressure. who doesn't anyway?
Labels: law school
speaking of law school, i'm going back to UP law prison tomorrow. well, i'm not complaining, my summer was long enough and worth it anyway. maybe i just feel bad about having to read piles of cases again and having to battle with my mild case of narcolepsy every time i start studying and dealing with a system i would rather not be subjected to follow and with people i would rather not speak with. maybe i just don't want to pretend that i'm sooo interested with the law which is, for me, extremely boring when i'd rather be in advertising/comm and take pictures, do graphic design, make websites, or edit videos. and i'd rather spend time with people i'm really close with, like the harkadah. i don't know; i'm just not very attached with the people there and the school in general.
anyway, i'm supposed to be revving myself up for school instead of bashing it altogether. this is an article i received several times through our block e-group which is a nice read. long, but worth it.
Letter To A Young Law Student: Don't go to law school:
But if you must, take my advice.
By Dahlia Lithwick
I started law school 10 years ago this week. While you may be aware that I consider the law to be mostly very funny, I take lawschool pretty seriously.
When I started law school I had no idea what I was in for: maybe some hybrid of debate camp and LA Law. In actual fact, for me, law school was a cross between boot camp and a cave.
Some small fraction of every incoming One-L class is comprised of people destined to take the legal world by storm. These are the people who intend to get straight A's, outline every case, make law review, clerk for a Reagan who died just this morning.. tsk tsk.. appointee, and spend the rest of their days in a leviathan corporate law firm where they will do whatever it is that's done in such places. These are the people law school was built for: people who think in zero-sum terms about everything-grades, jobs, and salaries. I wish them the very best of luck for the next three years. This advice is not for them.
This advice for the rest of you-who applied to law school simply because you took the LSATs, and who took the LSATs simply because the MCATs were too hard. This advice is for the people who graduated college with the generalized sense that they ought to be doing good works on this planet but were uncertain how to go about it. In short, this advice is for those of you who, like me, went to law school hoping that the experience would be stimulating and/or mind-expanding; a liberal-arts grad school for political people. Because you are doubtless trying to memorize the blue book this week, this advice is pre-outlined for your convenience.
A. Know Why You Are Going
As noted, the majority of people who get swept up into the law schools of North America are there as a result of inertia, career confusion, or some combination of both, and not a searing passion for drafting complex discovery motions. But that same inertia that swept you into law school may just sweep you into a corporate career in which you never had any interest. If you're at law school because you burn to work at a big firm, or because teaching torts cranks you beyond all imagining, have at it. But if you're there because your dad dressed you in Michigan Law footie-pajamas or you love writing, or you vaguely hope to do something about the rainforest, you'll want to work hard to avoid being sucked into the screaming centripetal force that is the corporate law firm.
So, write yourself a letter. Quick, while you still can write. Write it, seal it, and then open it at graduation. Tell your post-law-school self what you'd hoped to do with that J.D. Acknowledge that you'll leave law school with huge loans, but you knew that going in. Tell yourself that if you take a job you hate in three years to pay off loans that don't exist until now, you'll emerge in 10 years in the same place you are today. Only balding.
B. Know Why You Are Not Going
If there is one law of law-school thinking it's this: If everyone else wants something, I must want it, too. Not since the days of the Tonka backhoe and Malibu Skipper will you have so lunged for stuff in which you have no real interest, just because everyone else is lunging. Law school manages to impose odd new values on virtually everyone. And each step of the way, law students make choices-to interview with certain firms, take certain classes, apply for certain clerkships-based on an impoverished sense of other options and the fear that other people will get all the good stuff if you don't grab it. This is hard advice to give and harder, I expect, to take. Fear and conformity dig some pretty deep paths at law school. Don't just follow because they are there.
Ignore your grades. I mean it. Recognize that you will take some class pass/fail, study from the Nutshell the night before the test, and get an A, whereas you will outline some other class to within an inch of your life, teach a clinic on it, create an outline used by students for the next 70 years, and still get a C+ on the final. Why are all laws of intellectual physics so utterly upended at law school? Hell if I know. Something to do with forests and trees.
But my advice is to just ignore the grades. Send 'em home and have your parents call you if you failed something. You will get a job. They don't matter. (Warning: If you don't look at your grades for two years, do not go back after graduation and ask that your con law professor change that C+ to an A. She will laugh very hard and tell you it's a badge of honor. )
C. Have a Life
Someone in my One-L class rendered me semi-autistic in the first semester of law school by suggesting that I'd probably flunk out because I used an orange highlighter. The only person stupider than the moron who said that was me-I changed highlighters. No matter what your original values and habits would dictate, within a matter of weeks you'll be convinced that outlining every case, sucking up to every professor, and spending every no n-class hour in the library are the only ways to survive, and that suffering is somehow rewarding and character-building. Mmm. Maybe if you're a pilgrim.
I had, for the first six months of law school, only one vector. I traveled from the dorms to the law school. After breakfast in the dorms I went to class in the law library, and from there I went to dinner in the dorms, which led inexorably to an evening in the law library. Another trench-leading from my bed to the law buildings-from which I was too freaked out to climb out. Somehow one night I ended up in some courtyard in the pouring rain, and then there was a Rodin sculpture and after that, the moon, and I went home and read some Shelley. The next day I felt like I'd gone on a three-week crack bender. Or like I'd had the best conjugal visit ever. Get out. Go to movies. Volunteer someplace. Make friends with the people at Starbucks. o ayan, si weki taga-istarbak. hehe Get drunk but kiss someone when you're actually sober. Do anything to remind yourself that there is a life out there, and that missing one night of reading will not turn you into someone who lives in a garment box under the freeway.
All this advice is probably extreme and excessive. Your parents will probably set my house on fire for providing it. But read it anyhow. And think about it. Life is short. Misery is overrated. If law school is what you really want, then do it as yourself and not
as if you were in a movie about Harvard men in the 1920s. Learn, question, make a precious lifelong friend, ignore the guy in the bow tie, and smile at the people hunger-striking for the ninth consecutive cause. Use an orange highlighter. Dig your own path.
You may pop out in the moonlight. You'll probably be a better lawyer for it.
my only problem is, what if i live the life outside law school too much that i forget my responsibility as a law student? i think i took part C a little bit too seriously. hee. but it's nice to know i'm doing something right by not slaving myself over law books and cases. as to my purpose in going, well, initially, it's about doing something noble for humanity and using law, which is a very powerful tool [but i really believe advertising is also powerful. even more powerful than law. and it caters to a wider audience because everyone understands it easily. just look at the recent election campaigns :P] to protect the inherent good [doctors have it easier in finding what the inherent good is - to preserve life. in law, there are a lot of gray areas, so it won't be easy to determine whether we are protecting something good or not. why am i even in this endeavor?]. also, it's about grabbing this available opportunity not everyone has a privilege to get, following my dad's wishes, brandishing a good identity [people have the impression that if you're in UP law, you must be good] and getting a good salary so i wouldn't have to starve when i grow up [i wonder when will that be hehe]. i just wish i'll be able to make something good out of all of this, and i don't mean a self-serving kind of good. good luck to me as i [hopefully] finish 4-5 years of torture.
argh. i still have jet lag. i woke up at 230 am, slept at around 2 pm and slept through 630 pm. i wasn't able to accomplish anything and obviously, my room is still a mess. i really hope this works to my advantage when school starts.
some new school year resolutions which i hopefully would follow but probably would never do anyway:
Labels: law school
argh. let me just say, i hate plane rides!! we spent almost an entire day again inside the plane or shifting from one airport to another. the ride from detroit to nagoya, japan was the worst - we had to sit on the plane for 12 hours straight. on our way to japan, i had one prevailing thought in mind - baka makasabay ko si eleanor! [fyi: eleanor is the host of the popular show, "oh tokyo" on cable. if you don't know what it is, you're so out there. bwahaha.] but of course, like other small dreams i have, such idea didn't come into fruition.
i got my grades yesterday from mia, by the way. and i think it perfectly reflects the dartboard system UP law teachers apply. all my grades were 2.25, except for consti, which wasn't released yet, and crim, where i got a 2. dos. could you imagine? i don't know where he based that from, when all my recitations sucked big time. and how the hell did i get 2.25 for oblicon?? gawd if any right minded person listened to my orals, he/she wouldn't give me that kind of grade. if i had the same performance in ateneo law, i swear i would've been kicked out after one short sem.
i watched the videos from the states awhile ago, and i also scanned the pics. and while watching playhouse disney, i caught side of "the wiggles" show, which toby and sophia really like back in the states. it makes me sad thinking about them. i miss them so much. every now and then, i get the sudden urge to hug a little baby, and all i can do is watch the videos or look at my npehew and niece's pics. i know i won't be able to hug them anymore the same way i hugged them before. hay.. i miss them all back there. senti nanaman ba.. hehe..
on the bright side, i'm back home now. so what if traffic is terrible here, or that we have an irregular water system, or that the weather is erratic, or that there is no big old navy store in sight? the important thing is, we're home and we're safe. i'm especially relieved mama was able to endure the entire trip. her indian doctor [complete with the turban] the other day actually advised her not to go home yet and told her to have a stress test first due to her extremely high blood pressure. to stress his point, he literally grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me while asking if i like my mother, probably his way of tapping into my conscience and convincing me not to let my mom ride on a plane anytime soon. but the doctor's advice is not god's word so my siblings and i figured it would be best for mama to go home despite the doctor's warning. sure enough, when we reached nagoya airport, mama's blood pressure stabilized, and the moment she reached home, her bp became even lower. maybe it's all psychological; maybe she just feels more secure and safe in her home than in the states that's why she gets lower bp here. either way, i'm just glad that she's fine.
i talked to cesar just a few minutes ago. i texted him earlier, asking him what his section is, since he's an incoming freshman at UP law this year, and he called me through landline, telling stories about the 2-day orientation [we only had a 1 day orientation before], about the long assigned readings [they were given estrada vs desierto for their mock exam. that's the erap impeachment. that is pretty shocking for a freshman] and the terror teachers. i could almost see myself in him when i was a freshman law student. i had the same anxiety and apprehensions. not that i don't have anxiety and apprehensions now about going to law school, but it was much worse then, knowing i was delving into something unknown. 'hope everything will turn out great for us this school year. i'm just hoping to come out sane, at the most.
i just realized that i bought a lot of stuff for myself, i should feel guilty.. or, maybe not. hehe.
Labels: law school, pilipinas, trip
it's the first day of june. usually, this day would send shivers up and down my spine, since June is always correlated with school and every other [mostly] bad thing that comes with it. but today, i feel neutral. maybe it's due to the fact that i'm not yet in Manila, so i haven't actually faced reality yet. maybe when i see the UP malcolm hall again i'll go hysterical.
we just shopped around today. the farthest place we've ever gone to in Maryland is probably the farthest Old Navy store from our place. due to mama's condition and the limited time we have, we weren't able to go around touring the place as originally planned; we didn't even go to washington, which is only a 40-minute drive from here. this is definitely one vacation i wouldn't file under "holiday". nevertheless, it was still fun, and i'm glad i was able to see my family in the states again. this is the first time the 4 of us [my mom, sister, brother and me] got together here in the states, and it's also the first time i saw my 1 year old niece and nephew.
babysitting. today, my almost-1-year-old nephew, toby was supposed to be dropped off at my brother's sister-in-law's place so my brother and i wouldn't have to take care of him when we go out. but i asked if he could come with us instead. besides, this is the second to the last day i'll be seeing him this year. and so, the whole day, my brother and i took turns babysitting him. we gave him a bath [my brother and i didn't know how to, so toby ended up smelling like how he used to before we gave him a bath, which is a bit bad], we changed his diapers, i fed him and sang [actually, hummed] him to sleep. good thing he didn't cry much when i carry him anymore; he giggles and talks a lot more now than a few days ago. agh. i'll definitely feel bad again about leaving him on thursday. of course i'll miss benjo too, even if he scares me off with secadas and runs around the house using my bra. bwehe. i'll miss his curious questions and mischievous comments [like, 'do you have a boyfriend?' and 'mama cyma's confusing me pointing at a lot of sexy girls!' and 'i'm going to make her like me by kissing her' gawd, what is it with kids these days?]. as i've said in my previous entry, it's always harder to part with the kids.
my sister told me sophia still recognizes me and my mom from the videos and pictures. one time she pointed at us on the tv screen [from the videos] and she hugged her mom tight. and she always looks for us around the house.. haa... it's sad...
mama's quirks. when mama's not feeling bad, she always comes up with unintentionally funny quips that my sister and i quote a lot. yesterday, while we were watching this show where this couple was making out, she asked me to cover my eyes. hehe. she probably thinks i'm still benjo's age. and back home, she asked me to videotape american idol reject william hung's 'she bangs' video so i could show it to my siblings in the states. hehehe. oh well.
just some questions hovering in my mind, about my short term and long term future:
argh. screw friendster. the last two messages i received are a message from a person named "dhon" and another from a guy named "jhun", asking me to add them to my friends list. not that i'm being matapobre laughing at and discriminating against people with unecessary letters in their names, but i just hate it when my inbox fills up with messages from strangers i won't even think about adding anyway.
one of my favorite songs now, lest i forget
Away From The Sun [by three doors down]
It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone do what I've done
I missed life
I missed the colours of the world
Can anyone go where I am
'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun again
Away from the sun again
I'm over this
I'm tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling's gone
There's nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I've known
'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down, away from the sun again
It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
And now I can't do what I've done
And now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me
'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun
That shines the life away from me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I'm so far down, away from the sun again
wala lang.
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